The Call ~ No need to say Goodbye

The beginning of October 2008, I heard a talk from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that really impressed me at the time. He spoke of how God knew the challenges we would face and how lonely and troubled we would sometimes feel while in this mortal life. He then mentioned that "from the beginning down through the dispensations, God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love and concern for His children...usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near. Sometimes their assignments are very grand and have significance for the whole world. Sometimes the messages are more private. Occasionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult times."

He also shared a story about his friend Clyn D. Barrus.

Referring to his childhood on a large Idaho farm, Brother Barrus spoke of his nightly assignment to round up the cows at milking time. Because the cows pastured in a field bordered by the occasionally treacherous Teton River, the strict rule in the Barrus household was that during the spring flood season the children were never to go after any cows who ventured across the river. They were always to return home and seek mature help. One Saturday just after his seventh birthday, Brother Barrus's parents promised the family a night at the movies if the chores were done on time. But when young Clyn arrived at the pasture, the cows he sought had crossed the river, even though it was running at high flood stage. Knowing his rare night at the movies was in jeopardy, he decided to go after the cows himself, even though he had been warned many times never to do so. As the seven-year-old urged his old horse, Banner, down into the cold, swift stream, the horse's head barely cleared the water. An adult sitting on the horse would have been safe, but at Brother Barrus's tender age, the current completely covered him except when the horse lunged forward several times, bringing Clyn's head above water just enough to gasp for air. Here he turns to Brother Barrus's own words. "When Banner finally climbed the other bank, I realized that my life had been in grave danger and that I had done a terrible thing--I had knowingly disobeyed my father. I felt that I could redeem myself only by bringing the cows home safely. Maybe then my father would forgive me. But it was already dusk, and I didn't know for sure where I was. Despair overwhelmed me. I was wet and cold, lost and afraid. I climbed down from old Banner, fell to the ground by his feet, and began to cry. Between thick sobs, I tried to offer a prayer, repeating over and over to my Father in Heaven, 'I'm sorry. Forgive me! I'm sorry. Forgive me!' I prayed for a long time. When I finally looked up, I saw through my tears a figure dressed in white walking toward me. In the dark, I felt certain it must be an angel sent in answer to my prayers. I did not move or make a sound as the figure approached, so overwhelmed was I by what I saw. Would the Lord really send an angel to me, who had been so disobedient? Then a familiar voice said, 'Son, I've been looking for you.' In the darkness I recognized the voice of my father and ran to his outstretched arms. He held me tightly, then said gently, 'I was worried. I'm glad I found you.' I tried to tell him how sorry I was, but only disjointed words came out of my trembling lips--'Thank you...darkness...afraid...river...alone.' later that night I learned that when I had not returned from the pasture, my father had come looking for me. When neither I nor the cows were to be found, he knew I had crossed the river and was in danger. Because it was dark and time was of the essence, he removed his clothes down to his long white thermal underwear, tied his shoes around his neck, and swam a treacherous river to rescue a wayward son."

After listening to this talk, I felt a great love for my son Carter who was turning seven. I thought of the responsibility of a seven year old riding a horse to gather in the cattle. I felt grateful for the angels in our lives that watch out for and protect us. I also felt the great love between the father and the son as they embraced knowing prayers and faith were answered by God.

Exactly one week and a day after being impressed by this talk, I got a phone call that my dad had passed away due to a major heartattack. Today it has been four months to the day that I received this phone call. I have done a lot of thinking and listening in the past months.

The last time I saw my dad was August 11, 2008, which marked the 3 year anniversary of the death of Matt's brother Mason, my brother-in-law, killed in a head-on collision going to work. I don't think there is any meaning behind the date, just coincidence I suppose. But it has made me think a lot more about Mason. Also, January 9th, 2009, my sister-in-law's sister was in a car accident with all of her family. Two drunk young men ran into them and killed their two little boys ages 6 and 11 and caused serious damage to her and her husband's health. They had already lost their middle son due to premature labor, many years ago. All three of their children have been taken home to our God. So, this has also caused me to think about mortal life here on earth.

I watched Narnia - Prince Caspian, which really has nothing to do with this conversation at all, other than the song at the end which really caught my attention. I searched it out and have listened to the words over and over again. They have great meaning to me now.

I think about Elder Holland's talk about angels and how they are among us. I have reflected at the timing of his talk one week prior to my dad's death. This talk has helped me realize that my Dad, Mason and these boys are more alive than they ever have been. They see things more clearly than ever before and they are near us whenever we need them and probably more. The words to "The Call" help me realize that they are there when we call them. I have found much comfort in these thoughts and it helps me seek out quiet opportunities to listen and try to feel them near.

When things are hard and I start to feel despair in the tragedies that have happened in their lives, effecting each of our lives, I remember Elder Holland's following words and seek comfort in them. Elder Holland says, "I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He 'would fight our battles, our children's battles, and the battles of our children's children.' And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to 'search diligently, pray always, and be believing. Then all things shall work together for our good, if we walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith we have covenanted.' The latter days are not a time to fear and tremble. They are a time to be believing and remember our covenants."

I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives me Hope. The ray of sunlight peeking through the darkness is the hope of Jesus Christ that I seek after, because nothing else can lift me up out of the darkness.

I just realized that the phone call I received of my dad's passing was like this song "The Call" there really is "no need to say goodbye." We will see them again. "See you Soon." Those are the words I last said to my dad as his casket closed. (Matt looked at me and asked why I said that...he has been freaked out ever since.)

I like the words to the Hymn "God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again." Those words ring truth to me.

7 Things

I just got tagged by Karen Beach...Thanks Karen, I have been a little "out of sorts" with blogging lately. So, I need a good reason to get my mind working again.

7 things I can do:
1. Clean ~ I used to think I loved to clean, but I think I just like things clean. (Don't look too closely at my house because it is not up to my expectations!)
2. Organize ~ Another thing I used to call a talent, but again, don't look too close!
3. Sew ~ I can, I just don't ever find the time!
4. Sing ~ Something I need to do more of...
5. Cook ~ If I really have to and Matt's not home.
6. Run long distance ~ I grew up thinking I was only a sprinter...I have loved learning that I CAN run several miles all at once.
7. Make a Mess ~ I think I make just as many messes as my kids...it seems that I get distracted so often each day that I only start projects that create more messes...I know, it doesn't make sense with my #1 & #2, but it is true since I have added 4 kids and a husband to my life.

7 things I can't do:
1. Sit still
2. Stop eating treats
3. Watch sports on tv...it is such a waste of time! Sorry if that offends anyone.
4. Waste time...there just isn't enough time in the day to sit around and waste what time I do have.
5. Drink a glass of milk...disgusting!
6. Watch my kids get hurt and bleed...I panick.
7. Think of life without my family.

7 things I say often:
1. Mason! Get down!
2. Carter have you practiced the piano today?
3. Chloe, turn it down...the music.
4. Josie, What do you want?
5. Matt, can you help me?
6. I am so overwhelmed!
7. Because I Can!

7 things I love about Matt:
1. He is good at everything!
2. He has a beautiful singing voice.
3. He says the funniest things that can make me roll on the ground laughing.
4. He is an amazing cook...we rarely have the same meal twice...he doesn't cook from a recipe.
5. He has gorgeous blue eyes that see right through me.
6. He is a handy man through and through.
7. He is a beautiful artist.

7 favorite foods:
1. Chinese Food
2. Mexican Food
3. Italian Food
4. American Food (I think that consists of everything fried.)
5. Thai Food
6. Dessert Food (Chocolate...sweets...ice cream)
7. Every other kind of good food. I think that pretty much covers it.

7 people I tag:
1. Matt
2. Mandy
3. Zonnie
4. Rochelle
5. Melissa
6. Julie
7. Shannon

San Francisco ~ Here I Come

Sometimes life has a way of really getting you down...That's when you need to take a vacation!

I have been in serious need of some alone...me...adult...quiet...thinking...figuring-out-life...personal...relaxing...remembering who I am...TIME, so Matt and my dear brother Kipp talked and arranged for me to go visit him in San Francisco, California.

No need to twist my arm!!! I flew out on Thursday February 5th and didn't fly home until February 10th. Yes ~ 6 Whole Days for myself!!! I was excited to go alone, thrilled to spend time with Kipp and Lance, nervous to leave Matt alone with the kids (he is a real trooper!!!), afraid for Matt's sanity, anxious to travel all alone on an airplane by myself for the first time, sad about leaving the kids for so long, worried about Josie since I had never been away from her ~ especially since I just weened her days prior to leaving, but most of all ecstatic to have some time to myself!

At first I wasn't sure I would be able to sleep (yes~all night long) in a bed all by myself without being woke up, kicked out, wet on, pushed to the edge, uncovered and needless to say squished by 4 kids and a husband. There is a reason we have a king size bed, although I have had thoughts that we should get a twin size bed soon...(I did say "A" twin bed. Matt and I could share one...we are not ready to have our own beds!)

Ok, without further delay, I need to get on with my absolutely wonderful VACATION!!!

So, Thursday finally arrived and with my ONE suitcase and ONE small purse in hand, I got on the airplane and soon arrived in California. (I wasn't sure I would survive not packing 5 other suitcases and a diaper bag this trip!...I survived!) These are the stairs to Kipp and Lance's 3 story home. They rent the main level and it is gorgeous. Lance is an interior architect and does beautiful work. They live in the same area as the "Painted Ladies". In case you aren't sure what they are I have included a picture and some information about them. One of the best known groups of "Painted Ladies" is the row of Victorian houses at 712–720 Steiner St., bordering Alamo Square Park, in San Francisco. This block appears very frequently in media and mass-market photographs of the city and its tourist attractions. It is sometimes known as "Postcard Row." The houses were built between 1892 and 1896 by developer Matthew Kavanaugh, who lived next door in the 1892 mansion at 722 Steiner St. These houses also appear in the opening credits of the television series Full House.

The following are some pictures of the inside of Kipp and Lance's home. I wish I could afford to pay Lance and Kipp to come decorate my home. :) So, on Friday I went to Kipp's ~ Maru Hair Salon in Berkeley, and spent the day meeting his clients and getting my own hair cut and styled. This was one of the best treats of visiting him. I have never found anyone who can cut and style my hair better than Kipp. Yes, he is my brother, but he definately is good at what he does. It is a real shame that I live so far away from him because I have to "settle" for someone else touching my hair. I must say that I still haven't found anyone I am truly satisfied with...ugh. Friday night we went to Downtown Oakland and visited the Awaken Cafe' where his friend Cleo Vilett was having an art show. It was fun visiting her art show and getting some inspiration of my own. The Art Show Theme was:
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Walking Oakland
Artist Statement

"This series was inspired from the many big and little “treats” I discovered as I walked around Oakland. Many of the views were happenstance, discoveries I found on a natural, daily path between my studio and the gym and back. The more I noticed, the more I chose to seek, and my path began to widen and radiate outward.

I soon found a momentum carrying the feel of the show in a direction of its own. The medium used in these pieces may weave a common thread through a variety of subjects, but they are all very much here as part of this place. Tying our outer boundary of the bay, and eventually the ocean, to such an urban environment may not have happened consciously, but I doubt it was an accident either. "
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We went to dinner at a place called Flora. The food was great and we ate way-too-much! http://floraoakland.com/

Saturday Kipp had to work so I spent a lot of the day with Lance. We had fun laughing as we scared a dog with screetching tires trying to back up the parked car after taking pictures of Lombard Street. http://www.sftravel.com/lomabardcrookedstreet.html We went to the top of Coit Tower, where Lance was given a nice compliment from a lady "listening-in" as he gave me a great tour of the view and history of San Francisco. I had already decided that I wanted him to take me everywhere because of all the information he has stored in his head. We then walked down China Town and felt a little overwhelmed because they were celebrating the Chinese New Year and there were lots and lots of people...everywhere! As we went back to the car, we were grateful for the kind people who were looking over our shoulders and offered help when the parking ticket machine swallowed up Lance's bus pass. We surely witnessed a miracle! :) We decided to go home and wait for Kipp while getting ready to go eat at...THE BEST MEXICAN RESTAURANT...EVER!!! I am serious! It was located in an industrial area of town and it was called Tres Agaves. http://www.tresagaves.com/ I will go back there someday and take Matt because it was mouthwatering. I am beginning to salivate as I type! I had carne asada tacos and I couldn't even eat them all. They were so tiny and cute. We also ate these delicious meatballs for an appetizer and the sauce was so good...we asked the waiter for a spoon. :) Again, we ate until we were stuffed; course we ate more than last night because our stomaches were stretched out from Flora. Anyway, Sunday we had brunch with some friends and Lance made a delicious breakfast casserole. (He promised me the recipe, so I need to remind him.) We then went to the California Academy of Science located at the Golden Gate Park and got to see them feed the cute little penguins. That was lots of fun. We had sandwiches for dinner...I mean linner. Then we relaxed while watching the Secret Life of Bees. (Very good movie!) We were interrupted with a power outage that lasted for quite a while...so Kipp and I played some games. It was a nice relaxing day.

These were cute little blue and red frogs called Bromeliad Frogs. They live in the rainforest and we thought they were very cute.This was a rope for the leaf carrying ants. They gathered the leaves from the top of the tree and carried them all the way down the rope and into their hole. At the bottom you could see the ants busy at work inside the dirt. It was really neat.

These are the cute little penguins that we watched during their feeding.
Monday morning Lance had to go to work, so Kipp took me shopping in the Big City. We went to Union Square and shopped until we dropped...literally. We had a big Korean Lunch and had to go back for gelato. It was fun spending the day with Kipp. I can't remember the last time he and I were alone together shopping.

Tuesday morning Kipp and I stopped at McDonald's for breakfast because it was our dad's birthday. Dad loved to take us McDonald's breakfasts when we were kids, so we thought we would honor him with a good pancake breakfast. I can't really say it was good, but it was tolerable and it was a good thought.

I got back on the plane to head for home and spent the rest of the day pondering my time with Kipp and Lance. It was a busy weekend, but somehow very relaxing at the same time. I am grateful for a brother and friend who are so thoughtful to entertain me for a weekend. I really enjoyed my time getting to know each of them better. They are great men and I love them dearly.

Thank you Kipp, Lance and Matt for taking the time to lighten my burdens! I love you all!!!

Happy Birthday to My Dad February 10th

Once in a while, when we were young, we would have a "Movie Night" on Friday nights. We would go to the Wild West Video store on Blue Lakes Blvd. and rent a VCR with lots of movies. We would spend the weekend watching and rewatching movies. We would all sleep downstairs in our sleeping bags and stay up late watching movies. Then Saturday mornings would come and we would wake up early to watch cartoons. While we were watching, we would hear dad come in the door with the sound of crinkling paper bags. We would jump up from the floor and run upstairs, because we knew exactly what "that" noise was coming from. White bags with a great big yellow "M" on them. McDonald's pancake breakfast. Sometimes it would even be egg mcmuffins. Boy, what a real treat!

This morning Kipp and I went to McDonalds in San Francisco and ate a Pancake Breakfast together. It was great fun. On the glass of orange juice I read the words, "Making a better world, one kid at a time." I liked that because I thought of all the times Dad would take us to McDonalds or bring it home for us to eat. I definately don't think it was the food making the world better, but I know it was dad making a better world with each of us kids. We enjoyed our breakfast in a scary part of the neighborhood and it reminded of us of our family trip to Washington, DC. When we went in to a McDonalds and as we were about to order, Dad said, "We are the only white people in this place and we need to get out of here!" I remember Kipp and I thinking that Dad was so racist! Now that I am a parent, I can see that he was only looking to protect his family, he is not racist. It always makes a good story and brings a laugh.

Tonight, after returning home to New Mexico, Matt and I took our kids to McDonald's for dinner. We let them "get whatever they wanted" like Dad would always say. They each ate a Happy Meal and were so excited to get a prize. We sang Happy Birthday to Papa Bob on the way home.

It was fun spending the day thinking of dad and his life. I hope that I don't have to eat at McDonald's very often...Dad has given me a lifetime's worth, but it was fun to go there just special for him.

Love ya Dad and Happy Birthday!

It's Official...

Mason is finally pottytrained!!! :) or I guess I should say, Mommy is. Mason was ready a long time ago and once Mommy decided to start the process, Mason played right along. It only took a few days and he was done. He loves his new Car underwear and he has adopted all of Carter's boxers (since Carter doesn't like them.) He feels like such a "Big Boy" now. Wow, what a determined kid. Good job Mason! :)

Sleeping Babies ~ Tender

It is a precious moment when a baby falls asleep on your lap. Chloe has always been such a great helper with the babies. She watches them and protects them and loves to hold them when given the chance. This particular day, Chloe gathered up Josie's bottle of water, a blanket, and a tired Josie and situated all of them on the couch. They sat there quietly watching a movie until Josie fell asleep. Chloe was so pleased that she was able to put Josie to sleep. What a tender moment for mom also to see this precious sight! It reminds me of when I was Chloe's age and I had a baby sister and lots of little baby cousins. I was always pleased when given the chance to hold them and have them fall asleep in my arms. Tender.

Fun Place Settings

Sometimes on Fast Sundays, we like to have a fun meal. We use this time to try and teach etiquette and practice using our manners. (Of course, we try to use our manners at every other meal also.) Matt had fun setting the table with a whole variety of dishes. It was lots of fun and the kids were so excited that we decided to take a picture and blog about it. :) Oh, the memories.